Hey Kids! Comics!! 03-12-07
After tending to family business for a while, I had a lot of catching up to do with my comic reading. Luckily, I made it back to the comic shop just before my brain started to solidify from lack of funny pages!
Captain America #25
Captain America's dead. Whatever. He'll be back.
Multi-book crossovers such as Civil War suck ass. They're just a cynical ploy to separate fans from their money. Look elsewhere and avoid the hype.
The biggest surprise is that there are people stupid enough to pay $60 or more for this crapola on Ebay. I can't wait until it's available for cover price in a year or less. Fucking morons.
For a more thorough review of this bullshit, check out my buddy Steve's blog.
Criminal #5
Whoa. I appreciate when a writer has the stones to kill off major characters he's spent months developing into more than just disposable parodies of junkies and drug addicts. Writer Ed Brubaker has written one brutal, excellent book and Sean Phillips art is perfect for his gritty storylines.
Criminal has easily been one of the best books available for a while now and I'm sorry that with this issue the current storyline is done. If you haven't bought it yet, you can jump on the bandwagon next month as a whole new story with mostly new characters is being started.
Join the fun. It's worth it.
Fallen Angel #13
The Angel is forced to defend the city's top drug dealer against her son, who wants to clean things up. He's a naive idiot and is put in his place in a big way by the end of this issue. This book clearly illustrates the important and necessary role drug dealers play in our society.
It's just so deep, man....
Seriously, if you haven't been reading this book, I don't know what to tell you. You'd be lost joining in now. Try a collected volume if you're curious. It's a good time!
Fantastic Four: The End #6 (of 6)
So concludes the most confusing mini-series of the year! The FF go forward in time and then back (I think) to save Reed and Sue's kids from perishing with Dr. Doom 20 years ago. OK. Sure. Why not? In the meantime, for no particular reason, Galactus saves the Solar System from invading hordes of Aliens and other unworthy foreigners. It seems all of Earth's heroes were pretty useless.
Aside from the incredibly convoluted story, my big problem with this book is Alan Davis' portrayal of Dr. Doom as a demented idiot. I don't buy it. Doom is way too cool and arrogant to act like the vicious moron he's shown to be here.
On the positive side, Davis is an amazing artist and it's clear he put a whole lot of TLC into every page of this book. If only his story was as good as his art.
Buy the collected and see if you can figure out what happened. I dare you.
Jonah Hex #17
Jonah trains the female version of himself to exact revenge on all her enemies, of whom there are many. She's just as damaged, both psychically and physically, as he is. If not more so. Yet somehow, she retains her feminine hotness and curvaceous supermodel-like body. I love comics!
At least writers Justin Gray and Jimmy Palmiotti don't annoy us with some foolish and unnecessary sexual tension: Jonah and his protegé knock boots like they were starring in a straight, yet demented version of Brokeback Mountain. Yeah, Jonah!! Git in on!!
Anyway, I don't think I'd be spoiling any major surprises by revealing that lots of violence and death ensue before the end of the issue. And as a bonus, Gray and Palmiotti throw in some goofy Indian — I mean Native American — mysticism. How? How much you bet?
This isn't the best issue of Hex ever done, but I liked hot female protegés so I'd say it's worth your time and hard-earned filthy lucre.
Justice #10 (of 12)
Alex Ross is so good, he could've almost made Dark Knight 2 readable. Luckily, the story here isn't nearly as execrable as that Frank Miller abortion, so grab this book.
Would I buy it if Ross wasn't illustrating it? Probably not. The story isn't that good. But it's still a decent read with Luthor and Brainiac pulling the strings in some huge, evil plot to conquer the world and destroy the JLA. What else is new? If I were, a betting man, I'd put my money on the heroes.
Pick it up or wait for the collected, which should be much cheaper and display better on your bookshelf!
Marvel Zombies Vs. Army Of Darkness #1 (of 5)
Ash, Bruce Campbell's character from the Evil Dead movies, battles the Marvel Superhero Zombies. It's as dumb as it sounds. Just not in a good way. If the wafer-thin story doesn't turn you off, the crude art should. I recommend a pass on this high-concept, low-intelligence exercise in hastily done adolescent bad taste. If that's what you're looking for, pick up War of the Undead, which revels in it's idiocy way more effectively.
Shazam: The Monster Society Of Evil #2 (of 4)
Bone creator Jeff Smith continues his reinterpretation of Captain Marvel and his posse. To no one's surprise, the Big Red Cheese comes off pretty good here. Overall, Smith does an excellent job with the script and storytelling. His interpretation of Billy and Mary Batson is way too young for my taste, but his Sivana — one of the most underrated evil genius/goofball characters in comix history — is appropriately oily.
Check it out! Or save a few bucks and wait for the collected edition. The greedy bastards at DC are sure to put one out within days of the final issue's printing.
Supergirl and the Legion of Superheroes #27
I always had a problem with putting Kryptonians in team books because, aside from companionship and a secret need to show off, Kryptonians don't really need the help all that often. They're practically all-powerful. Does Superman really need any assistance beating the shit out of Starro or whatever doofy villain du-jour the JLA faces every month? Of course not.
That being said, I always liked putting Superboy and Supergirl in the 30th century Legion of Superheroes, as the advanced technology should, in theory, equalize and/or neutralize a lot of what they bring to the table and offer them a challenge and the need for a team once in a while.
Or writer Mark Waid, like many before him, can just ignore most of the super-advanced technology and just dumb down Supergirl, which is essentially what he's done. This isn't a major beef, but it still irks me.
Anyway, the problems with this issue are far greater than my philosophical differences about including Kryptonians in super-groups. It seems the Dominators (who never seem to actually dominate much) have infected Earth with a super-duper computer virus that destroys anything with a microchip. The ease with which they accomplish this implies that they don't have firewalls or IT security and the world is still run by MS Windows in the 30th century. It's just pathetic.
This story just gets dumber by the issue and I'm losing interest.
Walking Dead #35
All our favorite characters escape from Helltown (or whatever it was called) only to discover their prison refuge (how fucking symbolic is that, muthafucka?) is overrun with zombies. Oh, the pathos! Oh, the humanity!
Not too much happens in this issue as it's is really just a bridge between the previous issue and the next. Still, at least one character is obviously going bug-fuck crazy and the rest are just as damaged as before. Nothing new there.
This book is great for people who feel they're too fortunate in life and need to be taken down a peg or two. Enjoy.
For more comic reviews and other insanity, check out Jared's Blog. Be sure to give him a a piece of your mind.
Wow. It's a throwback week for me as DC revives one of my favorite team-up books from the 70's. The only thing missing is Jim Aparo's groovy, Adams-inspired art, but luckily, they hired the great George Perez in his place. While Perez isn't in top form here, even average George is better than 95% of comic art out there.
As evidenced by my gushing reviews of the first two issues, I love this book and it just seems to get better with every issue. Steve Niles mixes horror and comedy as well as any writer in the business and artist Kyle Hotz' Kelly Jones/Bernie Wrightson inspired art sets the mood just right for this gory, nasty, yet funny detective story.
This is the best Hellblazer in months. It's only one issue, the story is easy to follow and plays to Constantine's strength as a character — that of a womanizing, know-it-all dick-head who really does know it all. The previous arc, besides being too long and convoluted, sometimes portrayed Constantine as a depressed, whiney puss. John Constantine does not whine! This issue is a nice return to form.
This was purely a nostalgia purchase for me. Way back in 1975, Werewolf By Night #32 was one of the first comics I ever read. I was 7 years old and that issue scared the crap out me — It had Werewolf of course, and it was the first appearance of Moon Knight!
Damn, that Jerry Ordway can draw.
This alternate historical comic continues to be well written and paced. The art is just OK, but the story's what keeps me coming back for more.
This is the latest collected volume of Bill Willingham's excellent series.
The best X book continues to impress. Joss Whedon and John Cassady sure do take their time but the quality and care shines through. The pace of Whedon's story is deliberate but never boring. Every event and plot point is somehow important to the story or characters. And there are very few working artists today who draw as good as Cassady. I don't think he's capable of crapping out a job.
The current storyline revolves around Colossus. Seems this alien race thinks he's going to destroy their world, so they try to kill him and the rest of the X-Men.
Yeah, right. Now the X-men have traveled to the alien's world where much mutant ass-kicking is sure to ensue. I'm enjoying it so far, though it's torture having to wait two months for the next issue.
As I said last time, this is one of the best superhero books currently being produced. It's definitely worth your hard earned bucks so pick it up.
I've always found Stephen King to be a bit of an enigma. As the preeminent best selling author on the planet for the past 30 years, it's pretty clear the guy knows how to write a novel that always pleases fans and even, occasionally, critics. Why is it, then, that the majority of his other work, such as movies, TV and comics, sucks ass?
Since his novels or short stories are the source material for all that awful crap, one has to assume the germ of the idea is at least decent. Still, I can count the number of truly excellent outside projects based on King's work on one hand.
I have no concrete proof of this (perhaps in another blog) but it seems the more King himself is involved, the worse the project turns out. Most fans agree that the worst King-related project ever was Maximum Overdrive, the Emilio Estevez abortion about trucks that conquer the world. King himself directed that shitstain. Projects where he's had no creative involvement, such as Carrie and The Shining have been critical and financial successes.
With this supposition put forth, I can only assume King wrote, drew, colored, lettered, edited and printed The Gunslinger Born. This book plain sucks donkey dick.
On the surface, it sounds like a can't miss proposition: Peter David, one of fandom's best writers and Jae Lee, one of the most talented artists around ably embellished and painted by Richard Isanove, teaming up to tell the origin of one of King's more celebrated recent characters: Roland Daschain, the gunslinger from his epic, The Dark Tower.
So what went wrong? For one thing the story, for another the dialogue and storytelling. Now, having enjoyed the past work of all the parties involved, I can only assume King Inc. had way too much input into too many aspects of this book.
The story begins as Roland is being trained to become a gunslinger by mastering the art of falconry. FALCONRY? What does that have to do with guns? It's never explained and really, what's the difference anyway? Eventually, Roland gets pissed off because his Mom's a whore and is getting fucked/abused by some guy who may or may not be Roland's current and future sworn enemy. This is never made clear, but I assume he's evil because he has a mustache.
Anyway, Roland wants revenge, again I'm not sure why or against whom, but the only way to get this is to best his teacher in combat so he can take his guns. Apparently, there's only two guns in town.
He meets teacher in a duel to the death where they get to choose their weapons. Roland, having only received training in falconry, chooses....drumroll.... FALCONRY!! Ta da!! For some stupid fucking reason, everyone in the story is surprised by this. His teacher, master of all weapons and professional dealer-of-death, chooses some evil-looking blade weapon. Finally, something makes sense. Everyone thinks Roland is gonna get killed, and if this story were any good, he would be, just for being such a stupid little shit who would presume to kill a blade-weilding weapons master with a bird.
Anyway, Roland wins because his master/teacher forgets to cover his eyes, which happen to be the one place Roland's bird can realistically do any damage. How fucking convenient. And idiotic.
Based on my earlier theories, I really don't blame the creative team, and David specifically, for this idiocy. He probably cringed when he received script changes from King Inc. I find it hard to believe he wrote lines like this:
After last issue's mess, I said I'd give this current creative team one more chance to hook me and sadly, though not surprisingly, that hasn't happened.
Apparently, Guy Gardner has been recruited for some Green Lantern Black Ops Team. Why the Corps needs black operations is beyond me. Guess I'm not "with it".
So anyway, this is the last of a three parter that has to do with The Dominators, who never seem to dominate anything, and a Super Dominator who's more evil than all the other Dominators put together. You can tell he's evil because he has big, sharp teeth. Anyways, the Black Ops team wins in the end and kills the evildoer. This doesn't jibe well with Guy Gardner who, despite being an alleged tough-guy-bad-ass, doesn't believe in killing.
Whatever. 
So endeth the highest of high concept books before anyone had a chance to get bored.
Probably a smart move.
This book is fine. The art's fine. The writing's fine. Everything's dandy. It's like chinese food. In an hour, I'll be hungry again and will have forgotten what I ate, or in this case, read. If you like the characters and the concept, buy it. Or don't. Your life won't change one way or the other, anyway.
The only question I have is since when did the Fortress of Solitude become Dr. Who's Tardis? I kept expecting Supes to don a 15-foot-long scarf and jump out of a police box. Guess I must've missed some big change in the Superman mythos over the past bunch of years. Oh well...
In this installment, the Fables try to forge an alliance with the soon to be conquered Arabian and Middle Eastern fables. Naturally, no one trusts anyone else and much back stabbing and political intrigue ensue. It also turns out that Genie's are really dangerous and look nothing like Barbara Eden.
There's also a backup story about two of Geppetto's wooden soldiers who fall in love that was way more interesting than it had any right to be.
If, after six previous reviews of the earlier Fables volumes, you haven't gotten the idea that this series is too cool for school, you're clearly a moron. While not quite reaching the awesomeness of the previous volume,