This Xmas, Give the Gift of Valby
"Frosty the Snowman was a jolly happy soul
With his dick a great big icicle and his balls made out of snow"
-From the song "Frosty" by John Valby
If, like me, you're tired of the usual crappy Christmas novelty albums, I heartily suggest one of the greatest filthy holiday/comedy CD's ever: John Valby's "Jingle Balls" (alternately referred to as "Herniated Jingle Balls" on some sites).
Every track, a sophomoric parody of a classic christmas tune, substitutes the traditional yule-time lyrics with offensive, racist rants and fratboy-level sex-&-poop humor. If you, like me and most of my developmentally arrested friends, find that kind of comedy funny then you'll be giggling like a mongoloid shortly after throwing the CD in your player. Each track strives (and succeeds! Yay!) to be more filthy, misogynistic and racist than the next.
Ostensibly a concept album, the plot revolves around Dr. Dirty — Valby's alter ego — visiting Pixieland, a place filled with perverted versions of Santa's elves, and performing a debauched concert during the Holidays. Accompanying himself on piano, Valby, with tongue firmly in cheek, has a filthy, yet somehow good-natured sense of humor. Often accompanied by one or more "pixies" who are most likely uncredited studio performers and buddies of Valby singing through a recording-studio machine that makes them all sound like Alvin and the Chipmunks on acid. The production is primitive, but perfectly in tune with the less-than-highbrow nature of the whole affair.
Needless to say, if your idea of naughty is an occasional "darn" from those unfunny inbreds on the blue-collar "comedy" tour, you definitely need to look elsewhere. And don't listen to this one until long after you've put the kids to bed unless you want a call from the principal when little Timmy gets caught teaching his friends every dirty word and racial epithet in the english language.
Highlights include "It's Beginning to Look (Alot Like Syphillis)", "White Christmas", "I Be Home For Christmas" ("If only for free food"), the non-Christmas jewel "Kansas City" ("Gonna fuck your titties") and "Hark the Harelipped Angel Sings" — my personal favorite.
*******
On a totally unrelated note, as of this posting, the Patriots are favored by 27 points over the Jets this weekend. Heh. I find that amusing. Spreads that huge are virtually unheard of in the pros. Were I a Jets fan (and thank god I'm not), I'd be more bitter and angry than usual.
Happy Holidays!
Captain America's dead. Whatever. He'll be back.
Multi-book crossovers such as 
Whoa. I appreciate when a writer has the stones to kill off major characters he's spent months developing into more than just disposable parodies of junkies and drug addicts. Writer Ed Brubaker has written one brutal, excellent book and Sean Phillips art is perfect for his gritty storylines.
Criminal has easily been one of the best books available for a while now and I'm sorry that with this issue the current storyline is done. If you haven't bought it yet, you can jump on the bandwagon next month as a whole new story with mostly new characters is being started.
Join the fun. It's worth it.
The Angel is forced to defend the city's top drug dealer against her son, who wants to clean things up. He's a naive idiot and is put in his place in a big way by the end of this issue. This book clearly illustrates the important and necessary role drug dealers play in our society.
It's just so deep, man....
Seriously, if you haven't been reading this book, I don't know what to tell you. You'd be lost joining in now. Try a collected volume if you're curious. It's a good time!
So concludes the most confusing mini-series of the year! The FF go forward in time and then back (I think) to save Reed and Sue's kids from perishing with Dr. Doom 20 years ago. OK. Sure. Why not? In the meantime, for no particular reason, Galactus saves the Solar System from invading hordes of Aliens and other unworthy foreigners. It seems all of Earth's heroes were pretty useless.
Aside from the incredibly convoluted story, my big problem with this book is Alan Davis' portrayal of Dr. Doom as a demented idiot. I don't buy it. Doom is way too cool and arrogant to act like the vicious moron he's shown to be here.
On the positive side, Davis is an amazing artist and it's clear he put a whole lot of TLC into every page of this book. If only his story was as good as his art.
Buy the collected and see if you can figure out what happened. I dare you.
Jonah trains the female version of himself to exact revenge on all her enemies, of whom there are many. She's just as damaged, both psychically and physically, as he is. If not more so. Yet somehow, she retains her feminine hotness and curvaceous supermodel-like body. I love comics!
At least writers Justin Gray and Jimmy Palmiotti don't annoy us with some foolish and unnecessary sexual tension: Jonah and his protegé knock boots like they were starring in a straight, yet demented version of Brokeback Mountain. Yeah, Jonah!! Git in on!!
Anyway, I don't think I'd be spoiling any major surprises by revealing that lots of violence and death ensue before the end of the issue. And as a bonus, Gray and Palmiotti throw in some goofy Indian — I mean Native American — mysticism. How? How much you bet?
This isn't the best issue of Hex ever done, but I liked hot female protegés so I'd say it's worth your time and hard-earned filthy lucre.
Alex Ross is so good, he could've almost made Dark Knight 2 readable. Luckily, the story here isn't nearly as execrable as that Frank Miller abortion, so grab this book.
Would I buy it if Ross wasn't illustrating it? Probably not. The story isn't that good. But it's still a decent read with Luthor and Brainiac pulling the strings in some huge, evil plot to conquer the world and destroy the JLA. What else is new? If I were, a betting man, I'd put my money on the heroes.
Pick it up or wait for the collected, which should be much cheaper and display better on your bookshelf!
Ash, Bruce Campbell's character from the Evil Dead movies, battles the Marvel Superhero Zombies. It's as dumb as it sounds. Just not in a good way. If the wafer-thin story doesn't turn you off, the crude art should. I recommend a pass on this high-concept, low-intelligence exercise in hastily done adolescent bad taste. If that's what you're looking for, pick up 
Bone creator Jeff Smith continues his reinterpretation of Captain Marvel and his posse. To no one's surprise, the Big Red Cheese comes off pretty good here. Overall, Smith does an excellent job with the script and storytelling. His interpretation of Billy and Mary Batson is way too young for my taste, but his Sivana — one of the most underrated evil genius/goofball characters in comix history — is appropriately oily.
Check it out! Or save a few bucks and wait for the collected edition. The greedy bastards at DC are sure to put one out within days of the final issue's printing.
I always had a problem with putting Kryptonians in team books because, aside from companionship and a secret need to show off, Kryptonians don't really need the help all that often. They're practically all-powerful. Does Superman really need any assistance beating the shit out of Starro or whatever doofy villain du-jour the JLA faces every month? Of course not.
That being said, I always liked putting Superboy and Supergirl in the 30th century Legion of Superheroes, as the advanced technology should, in theory, equalize and/or neutralize a lot of what they bring to the table and offer them a challenge and the need for a team once in a while.
Or writer Mark Waid, like many before him, can just ignore most of the super-advanced technology and just dumb down Supergirl, which is essentially what he's done. This isn't a major beef, but it still irks me.
Anyway, the problems with this issue are far greater than my philosophical differences about including Kryptonians in super-groups. It seems the Dominators (who never seem to actually dominate much) have infected Earth with a super-duper computer virus that destroys anything with a microchip. The ease with which they accomplish this implies that they don't have firewalls or IT security and the world is still run by MS Windows in the 30th century. It's just pathetic.
This story just gets dumber by the issue and I'm losing interest.
All our favorite characters escape from Helltown (or whatever it was called) only to discover their prison refuge (how fucking symbolic is that, muthafucka?) is overrun with zombies. Oh, the pathos! Oh, the humanity!
Not too much happens in this issue as it's is really just a bridge between the previous issue and the next. Still, at least one character is obviously going bug-fuck crazy and the rest are just as damaged as before. Nothing new there.
This book is great for people who feel they're too fortunate in life and need to be taken down a peg or two. Enjoy.
For more comic reviews and other insanity, check out 
Wow. It's a throwback week for me as DC revives one of my favorite team-up books from the 70's. The only thing missing is Jim Aparo's groovy, Adams-inspired art, but luckily, they hired the great George Perez in his place. While Perez isn't in top form here, even average George is better than 95% of comic art out there.
As evidenced by my gushing reviews of the first two issues, I love this book and it just seems to get better with every issue. Steve Niles mixes horror and comedy as well as any writer in the business and artist Kyle Hotz' Kelly Jones/Bernie Wrightson inspired art sets the mood just right for this gory, nasty, yet funny detective story.
This is the best Hellblazer in months. It's only one issue, the story is easy to follow and plays to Constantine's strength as a character — that of a womanizing, know-it-all dick-head who really does know it all. The previous arc, besides being too long and convoluted, sometimes portrayed Constantine as a depressed, whiney puss. John Constantine does not whine! This issue is a nice return to form.
This was purely a nostalgia purchase for me. Way back in 1975, Werewolf By Night #32 was one of the first comics I ever read. I was 7 years old and that issue scared the crap out me — It had Werewolf of course, and it was the first appearance of Moon Knight!
Damn, that Jerry Ordway can draw.
This alternate historical comic continues to be well written and paced. The art is just OK, but the story's what keeps me coming back for more.
This is the latest collected volume of Bill Willingham's excellent series.
The best X book continues to impress. Joss Whedon and John Cassady sure do take their time but the quality and care shines through. The pace of Whedon's story is deliberate but never boring. Every event and plot point is somehow important to the story or characters. And there are very few working artists today who draw as good as Cassady. I don't think he's capable of crapping out a job.
The current storyline revolves around Colossus. Seems this alien race thinks he's going to destroy their world, so they try to kill him and the rest of the X-Men.
Yeah, right. Now the X-men have traveled to the alien's world where much mutant ass-kicking is sure to ensue. I'm enjoying it so far, though it's torture having to wait two months for the next issue.
As I said last time, this is one of the best superhero books currently being produced. It's definitely worth your hard earned bucks so pick it up.
I've always found Stephen King to be a bit of an enigma. As the preeminent best selling author on the planet for the past 30 years, it's pretty clear the guy knows how to write a novel that always pleases fans and even, occasionally, critics. Why is it, then, that the majority of his other work, such as movies, TV and comics, sucks ass?
Since his novels or short stories are the source material for all that awful crap, one has to assume the germ of the idea is at least decent. Still, I can count the number of truly excellent outside projects based on King's work on one hand.
I have no concrete proof of this (perhaps in another blog) but it seems the more King himself is involved, the worse the project turns out. Most fans agree that the worst King-related project ever was Maximum Overdrive, the Emilio Estevez abortion about trucks that conquer the world. King himself directed that shitstain. Projects where he's had no creative involvement, such as Carrie and The Shining have been critical and financial successes.
With this supposition put forth, I can only assume King wrote, drew, colored, lettered, edited and printed The Gunslinger Born. This book plain sucks donkey dick.
On the surface, it sounds like a can't miss proposition: Peter David, one of fandom's best writers and Jae Lee, one of the most talented artists around ably embellished and painted by Richard Isanove, teaming up to tell the origin of one of King's more celebrated recent characters: Roland Daschain, the gunslinger from his epic, The Dark Tower.
So what went wrong? For one thing the story, for another the dialogue and storytelling. Now, having enjoyed the past work of all the parties involved, I can only assume King Inc. had way too much input into too many aspects of this book.
The story begins as Roland is being trained to become a gunslinger by mastering the art of falconry. FALCONRY? What does that have to do with guns? It's never explained and really, what's the difference anyway? Eventually, Roland gets pissed off because his Mom's a whore and is getting fucked/abused by some guy who may or may not be Roland's current and future sworn enemy. This is never made clear, but I assume he's evil because he has a mustache.
Anyway, Roland wants revenge, again I'm not sure why or against whom, but the only way to get this is to best his teacher in combat so he can take his guns. Apparently, there's only two guns in town.
He meets teacher in a duel to the death where they get to choose their weapons. Roland, having only received training in falconry, chooses....drumroll.... FALCONRY!! Ta da!! For some stupid fucking reason, everyone in the story is surprised by this. His teacher, master of all weapons and professional dealer-of-death, chooses some evil-looking blade weapon. Finally, something makes sense. Everyone thinks Roland is gonna get killed, and if this story were any good, he would be, just for being such a stupid little shit who would presume to kill a blade-weilding weapons master with a bird.
Anyway, Roland wins because his master/teacher forgets to cover his eyes, which happen to be the one place Roland's bird can realistically do any damage. How fucking convenient. And idiotic.
Based on my earlier theories, I really don't blame the creative team, and David specifically, for this idiocy. He probably cringed when he received script changes from King Inc. I find it hard to believe he wrote lines like this:
After last issue's mess, I said I'd give this current creative team one more chance to hook me and sadly, though not surprisingly, that hasn't happened.
Apparently, Guy Gardner has been recruited for some Green Lantern Black Ops Team. Why the Corps needs black operations is beyond me. Guess I'm not "with it".
So anyway, this is the last of a three parter that has to do with The Dominators, who never seem to dominate anything, and a Super Dominator who's more evil than all the other Dominators put together. You can tell he's evil because he has big, sharp teeth. Anyways, the Black Ops team wins in the end and kills the evildoer. This doesn't jibe well with Guy Gardner who, despite being an alleged tough-guy-bad-ass, doesn't believe in killing.
Whatever. 
So endeth the highest of high concept books before anyone had a chance to get bored.
Probably a smart move.
This book is fine. The art's fine. The writing's fine. Everything's dandy. It's like chinese food. In an hour, I'll be hungry again and will have forgotten what I ate, or in this case, read. If you like the characters and the concept, buy it. Or don't. Your life won't change one way or the other, anyway.
The only question I have is since when did the Fortress of Solitude become Dr. Who's Tardis? I kept expecting Supes to don a 15-foot-long scarf and jump out of a police box. Guess I must've missed some big change in the Superman mythos over the past bunch of years. Oh well...
In this installment, the Fables try to forge an alliance with the soon to be conquered Arabian and Middle Eastern fables. Naturally, no one trusts anyone else and much back stabbing and political intrigue ensue. It also turns out that Genie's are really dangerous and look nothing like Barbara Eden.
There's also a backup story about two of Geppetto's wooden soldiers who fall in love that was way more interesting than it had any right to be.
If, after six previous reviews of the earlier Fables volumes, you haven't gotten the idea that this series is too cool for school, you're clearly a moron. While not quite reaching the awesomeness of the previous volume, 
The NY Giants released three players today: LB Lavar Arrington, LB Carlos Emmons and OT Luke Petitgout. I guess new GM Jerry Reese is instituting a no injured wusses policy.
Alan Davis is the geeks geek. He set out to create a comic starring the FF and 
Jonah Hex meets the female version of himself. Of course, being that this is comics, she's still a hottie despite having her face and body and (presumably) her genitalia carved up and disfigured during a particularly nasty rape by a typical scumbag common in 
Captain Comet gets his ass kicked by a bunch of insect assassins and The Weird finally realizes that the religious fanatic scumbags, the Eternal Light Corporation, who he's been shacked up with for the previous five issues are, well, scumbags. He's not that bright, the Weird.
I'm not sure if I like the fact that Captain Comet gets beat up by everyone and their grandmother seemingly every month. I mean, what kind of superhero is he?
This series is keeping me entertained, though I'll honestly be happy when it ends. As I've said before, Jim Starlin has enough plot for a four or five issue series tops. It's just too thin.
Unfortunately, Shane Davis isn't drawing this issue, which is a huge negative. How do you not lock a guy up, especially one as good and in demand as Davis, for the whole freaking mini-series? Get with it, DC! He's replaced by Ron Lim who actually does a much better job than I expected, but still, he's no Davis. Not even close.
I have 
Yet another month of unendingly grim zombie action. Sigh.
I'd like just a touch of levity to counter the overwhelming dreariness that confronts the audience every month in this series. I know writer Robert Kirkman's capable of mixing comedy and Armageddon, (just look at the excellent — and superior — 
More undead insanity from the creative team of writer Brian Johnson and artist Walt Flanagan. I said the first issue was the best "
Bill Willingham continues to surprise me. While 
I recently posted my Superbowl predictions, based on equal parts educated guesses, gut feelings and incredible psychic powers.
Guess what? I was thisclose to 100% accuracy!!! Hah!!
Some non-believers and idiots may opine that I was just repeating the same thing a million other hacks out there were saying ad nauseum. But I can say with the utmost conviction that I tactfully managed to avoid almost all the endless pre-game hype.
It was difficult, but I did it and you can choose not to believe me at the risk of ignoring future brilliant predictions!
Allow me to briefly encapsulate 
I recently had to fly down to sunny Florida to attend to some family business. The flight was mostly uneventful and even pleasant due to the general excellence of Jet Blue Airlines. I got to see 
Beautifully done crime drama from Ed Brubaker and Sean Phillips. As in any good crime caper, every character seems to be backstabbing and stealing from another. The master lowlife criminal in the middle of all this, Leo, has to figure out a way to keep himself and his ex-junkie girlfriend alive. Yet another common characteristic of good crime capers is half the characters are former or current junkies. Yay, skag!!
Don't try and jump into this story in the middle, as you'll be lost, but it's definitely worth your time so wait for the trade paperback.
If, like me, you love well written horror comics with a healthy dose of humor, this is the ideal book.
In this issue, the ongoing adventures of Private Eye/Drug Addict Cal McDonald, ancient vampire Nosferatu (or something that looks like him) shows up in Southern California looking for Cal, who's laid up in a hospital bed after getting beat to within an inch of his life in the previous issue. Ol' Cal's also going through major withdrawals from all the pills and booze he's been ingesting constantly for years.
Niles story moves along at a quick, clean pace with no unnecessary subplots or filler to bog things down. He definitely understands the "less is more" concept of storytelling, a subject most comic writers could stand to take a class on.
If you're going to be influenced by other artists, you might as well pick good one's and Hotz definitely does. Clearly inspired by Bernie Wrightson and Kelly Jones, Hotz seems to get better every issue. Each panel is dripping with well-rendered, horrific detail. He's clearly enjoying himself.
If Criminal Macabre weren't so damn good this month, this would win book of the week. As it is, it's still very good. Imagine if most of the characters from The Godfather were demons and you'd have a pretty good idea of what Damned is all about. The main character, Eddie, is a cursed human mobster who acts as a sort of power broker between several factions and gangs of demons. In this issue, war between the families breaks out and all hell (duh!) literally breaks loose.
Artist Brian Hurtt creates an amazingly graphic atmosphere. He vaguely reminds me of a less polished 
The Angel makes a deal with the city's biggest drug dealer, which brings her into conflict with her well-meaning, but naive, son, who's also the city's invulnerable magistrate. I love the drug they're all fighting over: it turns people into vampires. Oooga Booga!!
This book can get weird and cynical, but Peter David cynical-weirdness is still better than say, Grant Morrison cynical-weirdness, because it actually makes sense and goes somewhere. David has the skill to pull it off. That probably annoys some people, as there seem to be a lot of them out there who absolutely looove pretentious non-sensical storylines, but I appreciate a story. Call me weird.
This issue marks the conclusion of the empathy engine storyline, which is a good thing since even for a Constantine story, it was overlong and merely semi-interesting. Luckily, there's a healthy dose of black humor to keep things lighthearted and Constantine is his usual asshole self — arrogant as hell (literally) and self-pitiable. Hellblazer is one of those books you either love or loathe. I've been reading it since issue 1, and I must admit the quality varies from story arc to story arc, but for me, it's like comfort food. Buy it or don't buy it. I don't care.
Next issue starts a new arc, so that might be a good time to jump on the Hellblazer bandwagon, kiddies!
Shane Davis is one of the finest superhero artists around and his superb work alone is a good enough reason to get this book. The fact that it's written by Jim Starlin, master of the trippy-dippy comic book space opera, is just a happy bonus. It's nice to see what can be done with even an inconsequential character like Captain Comet, star of Mystery In Space, if put in the right hands.
In this issue, the good Captain infiltrates the evil galactic Church that's planning some sort of nastiness and discovers where all the super assassins that have been kicking his ass are coming from. He's not happy with his discovery.
The backup story, drawn by Starlin and starring his own goofy creation, The Weird, is tied into the main Captain Comet story. It appears as if Starlin's going to merge the two storylines rather soon, which is a good thing as, much as I'm enjoying this book, he could have easily condensed 8 issues into 4 or 5 and had a much tighter story.
The Legion battles a more badass version of themselves and the biggest damned robot I've ever seen. It seems the Dominators are looking to take over Earth. For a race of people who call themselves "The Dominators", they never seem to actually succeed in dominating anything of consequence. Perhaps they should concentrate on a planet that doesn't have a fucking Kryptonian and her super powered buddies protecting it! Oh well. I guess, they're called "The Dominators" and not "The Super-Duper Extra-Smart Dominators" for a reason.
I like this book, but I wish there was a little more main character interplay and less introduction of new ones. There's already way too many stars in this book and just when it seems writer Mark Waid is getting into developing characters and relationships and making things interesting, he goes away from them and introduces new, less interesting characters.
This is kind of an extended epilogue to Volume 4, March Of The Wooden Soldiers, and covers the year following that watershed event in this amazing series.
This volume is comprised of three separate stories. None approach the excellence of the previous volume, but no one could blame writer Bill Willingham for taking it down a notch after the tumultuous events of March. Besides, he wraps up quite a few loose ends here and creates some new ones presumably to be finished later.
The first is a straight up cloak and dagger type story starring Cinderella. She's way more devious and smart than she appears.
The second is a WWII flashback to when Bigby was a super secret agent for the Allies. You know he's cool because he enjoys killing Nazi's. Like all good horror stories that take place in a Bavarian castle, the Frankenstein monster makes an appearance, only to quickly be put in his place by Bigby. Yeah. Werd up, mofo.
The only thing I don't get — and this is a problem I have with most superhero comics that take place in WWII, so Fables is hardly unique — is why don't the Allies just send Bigby into Berlin to kill Hitler and the rest of the German hierarchy? I mean, this guy operates with impunity behind German lines, is immortal, can wipe out whole companies, and kicks the living shit out of the Frankenstein Monster! Why can't he just break into the Bunker and pop Hitler's diseased head like an annoying pimple? Who'd be able to stop him? War over! Now let's send him over to Japan to play dodgeball with Tojo's organs!! Game over. Or at least it would be if I were running things...
Comics have never adequately answered that question. Oh well.
The last story concerns the birth of Bigby and Snow White's brood. And they're a bunch of cute little buggers. But they're only half human looking so Snow has to move up to the farm, where Bigby isn't allowed because he was such a dick back in the homelands. Of course he bitches and moans like a spoiled brat, then takes off. Way to support your family, asshole.
Also in this story, Prince Charming takes over as mayor, and, true to form, is only good at the pursuit: i.e.: running for office. Now that he's in charge, it turns out he's a terrible administrator. It speaks to Willingham's skill as a writer that he extends the Prince's character flaws into all his pursuits.
If you're not reading Fables yet, you're just stupid and dull. Pick it up or pick your nose!
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The Chicago Bears and the Indianapolis Colts will meet on February 4th in Superbowl XLI ( I love Roman numerals - they make everything seem so important). I'm not sure what the early line is but I suspect the Colts will be favored by 4 points or more.
This makes sense as they seem to be the better team. While neither team is without it's flaws, the Colts seem to have less of them. At Quarterback, Peyton Manning is the best in the game and light years ahead of the Bears Rex Grossman, who couldn't even start for half the teams in the NFL.
Grossman doesn't seem to have much in the way of technique or accuracy. Any success he has completing passes has more to do with his underrated receivers being able to adjust to his poorly thrown, inaccurate passes before opposing defensive backs have time to react. Should the Colts manage to get some pressure on Grossman, he's proven to be mistake-prone at the worst times. Any quarterback will suck if you harass him all day, Grossman just sucks more than most.
Additionally, the Colts really impressed me by showing way more grit and character than they ever displayed before by coming back from a 21 to 3 deficit against the Patriots, a team that's won 3 of the past 5 Superbowls.
Here's a comparison of each teams units:
The Colts have the great Peyton Manning (the Giants, on the other hand, have the lesser Manning: Eli). The Bears have some guy named Rex. Dogs are named Rex. Not quarterbacks. I never bought the whole arguement that Peyton can't win the big game. Football is the ultimate team sport.
The Bears defensive backs are better than the Colts, and will not give Manning an easy time, but he should still get some touchdowns at some point.
The Bears live and die on defense. While no one except the dumbest of Bears fans (and listening to NFL radio on Sirius, there seems to be a lot of them) would deign to compare this defense to the 1985 unit that destroyed the rest of the NFL (except Dan Marino), they are still one of the best defenses in the NFL this year.
They can get to the quarterback, and their linebackers are fast and aggressive. Brian Urlacher is one of the best linebackers in football. Their defensive backfield is good enough to at least keep up with Harrison and Wayne, but if they have to cover man to man regularly, those two will eat them alive.
Still, if any team can stop Manning and company, it's the Bears.
The Colts, on the other hand, have had trouble on defense, especially run defense, all year. They rely on their offense to generate big leads. That allows the defense to play to their strengths, forcing the other team into playing catch up and then rushing the shit out of the passer.
For reasons I can't fathom, they suddenly started playing good run defense in the playoffs after getting eaten alive for stretches during the regular season. They'll need to play tough against the Bears, as I don't see their offense jumping out to a big lead quickly.