I Need A New Title For This Blog

"Interesting Times" is, not too surprisingly, taken. If you read this, please feel free to suggest a new title in the comments. Your originality will be greatly appreciated.

I need inspiration...

Hey Kids! Comics!! 12-29-06

This week was light. I was home on vacation so I didn't go to my usual comic shop where, as a regular customer, I have credit. Visiting a new comic shop is like cheating on your wife - it somehow feels dirty.

Justice #9

I'm enjoying this mini-series mostly due to Alex Ross' amazing art. I suspect that's the case with 90% of the people who buy it, as the story is hardly on the level of Miller's The Dark Knight Returns or even DESTROY!!. I feel kind of ripped off, and naively stupid as well, since this will be released as a collected edition about 10 minutes after the last issue hits the stands for one-tenth the price. I guess I just don't have the patience to wait that long.

Supergirl and The Legion Of Super-heroes #25

This is one of the 3 or 4 pure regular super-hero books I still buy. It's written well and the (interior) art is usually pretty good. A new reader can jump into the current story arc with little difficulty so it's worth checking out if you're in the mood for check-your-brain-at-the-door super-heroics.

Fables: Legends In Exile Trade Paperback #1

Now this is more like it. I missed this book when it initially started a few years ago, and I'm sorry I did. It's the best comic fantasy series I've read since Sandman was in it's prime. I only picked it up because DC recently re-published the first issue as a 25¢ discount book with an introduction by writer Bill Willingham basically asking people to give the book a chance. I did, and I'm glad for it. It was so enjoyable, I went out and bought this, the first collected volume. Next week, I'm going to pick up the rest of the trades. The basic premise is that all the fairy tales and legends from our youth existed for "real" in an alternate dimension, kept alive by the retelling of their tales in our world. They were driven out into our world (the world of "Mundy's" for "mundane") by a mysterious Sauron-like villain who killed or imprisoned those who stayed behind. The survivors now live mostly in NYC and upstate New York in tight-knit, secret communities self-policed and protected by magic. Someday, they hope to return and reconquer their land. This first collection revolves around the murder of Snow White's sister Rose Red and the subsequent investigation by Bigby (i.e.: Big Bad) Wolf, here taking human form. It was so enjoyable, I read it in one sitting. You should, as well. That's it for this week! For more weekly reviews, check out Jared's Blog. Happy New Year!!

How The Giants Ruined Christmas

The NY Football Giants quit this Christmas Eve against the New Orleans Saints. That's the way it appeared looking at their pathetic, uninterested performance. They ruined Christmas. Thanks a bunch. The game started out promising enough, with a wind-affected Eli Manning to Plaxico Burress bomb that Plax adjusted to beautifully. He slowed down to catch the under-thrown ball (something he's done alot this year) then juked two Saints defenders and outran them to the end zone. After that it was all downhill, as the Saints pushed the Giants around for the rest of the game on both offense and defense. By the end, it was apparent the Giants had nothing left. They had given up. With the playoffs on the line and the imminent retirement of one of their greatest players staring them in the face. This was supposedly Tiki Barber's last home game, but that didn't seem to matter. Nor, had they won, did the promise of a probable playoff berth. This team just doesn't care anymore. They quit. The New York Giants aren't supposed to quit. Would Lawrence Taylor or Phil Simms quit? Hell no. But these Giants did. Amazingly, they still have a chance to make the playoffs, at a pathetic 8 and 8, if they beat the equally inept Redskins this New Years Eve at 8:00PM. Frankly, I don't think they will.This team is defeated. Done. Over. After the horrendous spate of injuries that almost devastated the Giants midway through the season, I was willing to give Coach Tom Coughlin a pass. More than half their starting defense, including both all-pro defensive ends, was out with injuries. Offensively, Luke Petitgout, their starting left tackle and Amani Toomer, their all-time leading receiver (and Eli Manning's frequent safety valve), went down as well. But now, after the Saints game, I no longer think he's the long-term answer as the team's coach. It appears he's lost the team, I don't think there's any way he'll get it back. Up until this week, it appeared Coughlin's job was safe, as signs indicated Giants brass were willing to give him another year. After the Saints debacle, there has to be some doubt sneaking into their thought processes. At least, I hope there is. If not, next year is going to be rough. I just read that Coughlin is replacing Offensive Coordinator John Hufnagel with QB Coach Kevin Gilbride, who has experience as an OC, Head Coach and Buddy Ryan's punching bag. Unfortunately, this is not a good sign for a few reasons:

1. This smacks of desperation - Replacing your OC with one game remaining and the playoffs on the line is the sign of a coach who's clearly grasping at straws. He's Custer and this game is Little Big Horn. We know what happened to Custer.
2. Gilbride doesn't really impress me that much - At least some of the blame for Eli Manning's inconsistency this season must lie at his feet. He is, after all, the Quarterbacks Coach. How many times must we watch Manning horribly under (or over) throw a wide open receiver? Apparently, he's got more than enough arm strength to make any throw required of him, yet I've read his mechanics are screwed up. Now either Eli is just too dense to change his mechanics or someone isn't teaching him how to throw properly.

Either way, I doubt this change will correct the same mistakes they make every week. Will it make Eli throw better? Probably not. Good mechanics can be taught, but not in a few days. Will TE Jeremy Shocky be involved more? That's impossible to predict. Possibly. Or not. Will Burress give up on plays? We'll see what happens the next time Manning floats a pass 10 yards over his head into the waiting arms of a free safety. Will the defense suddenly decide to stop the run? The pass? Anything? I doubt it. I'm sure Redskins rookie QB Jason Campbell will look like a combination of Joe Montana and Dan Marino. Certainly better than he has all year. It won't be the fault of middle linebacker Antonio Pierce, who would chew off his own foot to make a play, no matter the score. If every player were like him, the Giants would not have lost 6 of their last 7 games. For comparison's sake, let's look at the Jets. Even with all their injuries, the Giants are still a vastly more talented team than the rebuilding Jets. Yet, the Jets consistently play harder and smarter than the Giants. They're playing hard every game for new coach Eric Mangini and they're about to make the playoffs with a 9 and 6 record. Many people, myself included, had the Jets winning 4 or 5 games this year at the most. The Giants, in contrast, play like they resent Coughlin. That's a bad sign. It won't go away in the off season either. Tom must go.

Comics I Bought This Week 12-20-06

I stole this idea from my buddy Jared. While undoubtedly he's not the first person to write about this subject, and in this way, he won't sue me for my million$ for stealing his brilliant idea (I hope)... Since this is my first post of this sort, I'm going to list the last 3 weeks of comic book purchases. I mention this because, if my wife reads this, she won't think I'm spending thousands of dollars a month on geeky comic book shit...

Fantastic Four: The End #3 (of 6)

Midway through this Alan Davis miniseries, I must say I'm enjoying it. I'm generally not a big fan of alternate future type stories, but Davis seems to be having fun using every single character in the Marvel Universe. It helps that his art, with inks by Mark Farmer, is as good as ever. Check it out, or wait for the inevitable collected edition.

Sandman Mystery Theatre: Sleep Of Reason #1 (of 5)

I was a fan of the original Sandman Mystery Theatre series back about 10 years ago, so I gave this a shot. I'll give #2 a chance, but it had better start to make sense soon, or I'm done with it.

Fallen Angel #11

This book, about a hot, drunken, former Angel who's pissed off at literally everything, is a hoot. Peter David, one of the best comic writers out there over the last 20 years, is clearly having fun and so should you. Read it because I say so.

Damned #3 (of 5)

I really like this book. It's essentially a gangster/mystery tale with demons and the damned taking the place of actual gangsters, but the story, though overly complicated, moves along at a brisk pace and the black and white art by Brian Hurtt is appropriate and extremely well-done for this type of story. There's a (fairly necessary) synopsis at the start of every issue so if you haven't read it yet, check it out. It's cool, man.

Fear Agent #9

One of the best books out right now continues it's high level of excellence. Fear Agent kicks alien ass!

Hellblazer #227

Some people I know have legitimate problems with this book. It is hard to jump into the middle of a long story, but I still love it. It's like comfort food for me. Demons, witchcraft, generally evil goings-on. That's what I expect out of my horror comics. Hellblazer usually delivers. So there.

Rex Mundi #3

The only thing that annoys me about this book is they started the numbering over when it moved to Dark Horse. Granted, it's a minor beef, but that just smacks of the usual "let's milk our stupid audience for all they're worth" cynicism usually reserved for the Big 2 companies. I suppose I'm exaggerating, but I've seen the comics industry eat itself alive before by pulling stupid shit like that. Any way, the story 's good: It seems a long-lost descendant of someone related someone who knew Jesus has captured the throne of France and is starting WWI in an alternate reality (or maybe I'm mixing up my fictional religious conspiracy stories). I love stories that make religion the cause of all evil in this world. Check it out, but don't expect to figure out what's going on unless you go and read the previous 12 issues.

Red Menace #1 & #2

I only picked this up because Jerry Ordway is one of the best artists working today and "Red Menace" was the name of the comic company some friends and I started a million years ago (perhaps we should sue). Ordway's the kind of artist who can make a pedestrian story seem better than it is and this is a perfect example. The fact that it took three writers to come up with a typical "McCarthy and the Red Scare were bad" story amazes me. I mean, we've all seen this before, right? In real life, Joe McCarthy was red-baiting asshole and Roy Cohn was a scumbag of the highest order. I'm sure it was such a challenge portraying them as such. The plot revolves around a Captain America-type hero who gets smeared by McCarthy and Cohn mostly because they're basically, well, evil motherfuckers. By the end of issue 2, there's some huge frame-up/conspiracy and a new hero arrives on the scene. Whatever. I'll continue to buy it because the story isn't really that bad, it's just been done before. Ordway makes it worthwhile.

Criminal #3

This is one of the best books out at the moment. It's a heist-gone-bad story about a professional criminal, his hot, damaged girlfriend and some really corrupt cops. Well written, beautifully paced, and with art that fits the throwback/70's style of the story to a tee, this book is worth every penny. The only problem with this issue was a production error that doubled up the printing of some pages, totally messing up the story, as, I assume, some pages did not get printed. Wait for (hopefully) a reissue or just suck it up, and buy all three at once. You'll like it.

Infinite Holiday Special #1

Ever since I was a kid, I've been a sucker for holiday specials. Apparently, I'm not the only one as Chris Sims, a very entertaining (and obsessive) writer whom I regularly read, has dedicated a whole series of articles to Holiday comics. I guess Infinite Holiday Special is loosely tied into DC's Infinite Crisis crapfest that I've managed to ignore up until now. It's OK as a one shot (I assume numbering it issue #1 was merely to drive sales up...), but the only story that stands out is the last one, in which Superman gives Batman what for in a funny, violence-is-the-answer kind of way. Happy Holidays everyone!

Christmas Music

Let's face it, most Christmas music sucks. 99% of it is the same recycled crap performed by uninterested hacks trying to cash in on the holiday season spending orgy.

Of course, the reason most Christmas standards are continually covered is that they were usually great songs to begin with. Judy Garland's original version of "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" still packs the same emotional impact today that it did for the wartime audiences it was written for. Unfortunately, when it's crapped out by a talentless dipshit like Michael Bolton, for example, it means nothing and offers even less except as mindless playlist fodder for easy-listeninng radio stations during the holidays. I suspect this is what people complain about when they say they're sick to death of Christmas music. I can't blame them. I am as well.

The way I see it, if you're going to release a non-comedy Christmas album it had better be either incredibly great or asstastically, over-the-top awful. Anything in between will be quickly forgotten and thoroughly resented. Novelty songs, some of which are overplayed as much as anything on the air, generate equal amounts of love and loathing amongst the most people. I don't mind hearing the Jingle Dogs or Cats a few times during the holidays, which, while stupid, have that certain level of awfulness that can clear out a room after a few plays. I appreciate that in a novelty song. They annoy me much less than anything by the fucking Chipmunks, which aggressively suck on a level most bad music only aspires to. Some people, for unknown reasons love the Chipmunks. They clearly lack intelligence and good taste, which I suppose is a prerequisite for even tolerating the Chipmunks in the first place.

One of the greatest christmas albums ever is A Charlie Brown Christmas by Vince Guaraldi. The score to the classic holiday special of the same name, it stands on it's own as a great piece of holiday music and a superbly catchy example of contemporary jazz. Even jazz haters like myself like this album, due as much to nostalgia as to it's obvious quality.

The ranks of awful Christmas music swell every year during the holidays. Most is forgotten by December 26th only to be refoisted upon the public sometime after Halloween. Some songs, however transcend their own vileness and, at least in my house, become holiday classics all on their own. A few years ago, I picked up the excellent compilation album, Punk Rock Xmas, which includes some gems guaranteed to get your toes a tappin'!

One of my favorites is "Daddy Drank Our Christmas Money" by TVTV$. A hilariously venomous song about alcoholism and shitty parenting. After the titular Daddy introduces the song by explaining how there won't be any gifts this year because, though he drank all the family Christmas money, "...at least I got a buzz!". With non-sentiment like that, how can you go wrong? The song then kicks into high gear as the lead singer screams "...Let's go kick his butt!!" among other heartfelt sentiments. There's no happy ending, just anger and acceptance set to a good beat.

The Harvard Independent, in a scathing review, described the song perfectly, but still failed to get why it's so cool:

"...the atrociously updated carol focuses on the negative effects of alcohol on materialistic gift-giving. We must ask, which is the lyrics' bigger sociological problem? The alcoholism of the children's father, or the children's biggest complaint about said alcoholism: that they can no longer get expensive gifts?...TVTV$'s fiendish brats just want to be able to tear open fancy-schmancy toys."

Now, besides the reviewer's obvious lack of a sense of humor, in my mind, mindless materialism and the greed of little kids makes this song infinitely more honest, and funny, than any songs espousing the "Christmas Spirit". Anyone who says that getting as much swag as possible was not the most important thing to them when they were kids is lying. Plain and simple. The fact that the song is delivered with an infectious punk attitude just adds to the fun!

Another great track is the ridiculously offensive "Here Comes Santa's Pussy" by The Frogs. Just a quick glance at the lyrics offers up a vision of Santa as a gay child serial killer. Now that's Christmas!

"Homo Christmas" by Pansy Division is exactly what you think it is. The opening stanza sets the hilarious tone for the song:

"You'll probably get sweaters Underwear and socks But what you'd really like for Christmas Is a nice hard cock..."

The rest of the song proceeds to get into sticking candy canes in anus' and other fun, gay activities. That's musical gold! The perfect gift for mom this year!

Not all the songs on Punk Rock Xmas are by unknowns. It also includes a slew of legendary punk bands such as The Ramones, Fear, The Damned, Stiff Little Fingers and The Dickies. I highly recommend you pick it up!

Cover Songs

What makes a great cover tune? The general criteria I've read before, which I tend to agree with, is that a great cover should evoke the feeling or attitude of the original yet sound unique, as if it were part of the covering artist's own catalog. This is easier said than done. Most cover songs pale in comparison to the originals, often copying the style, tone, and lyrics exactly, yet possessing none of the original depth or feeling. Why would I want to listen to a remake that's a lame version of the original? The best cover songs, a rare breed indeed, sometimes surpass the originals and become more associated with the cover artist rather than the original. "Police & Thieves" by the Clash is a good example of this. Who remembers who wrote the original? (Junior Murvin, by the way...). The following are some of my favorites listed off the top of my head. There should be more to follow. Let me know if you agree...

Hüsker Dü - "Eight Miles High" (The Byrds)

If the merits of a cover song were be based purely on how much it surpasses the original in terms of emotive impact and power, then Hüsker Dü's version of "Eight Miles High" is the greatest ever recorded. I first heard this on a jukebox in the early '80's in a tiny bar called Downtown Beirut in New York City's Lower East Side. That same juke box had Divine's "Born To Be Cheap" (the first and only time I've ever seen it anywhere) and Flipper's "Brainwash", a "song" some of those in the know consider to be one of the most annoying of all time. I remember one night, my buddy Bob played it about 10 times in a row then drunkenly challenged anyone who dared complain to a fight. As one might surmise, Beirut had one of the more eclectic juke boxes I've ever come across over the years and "Eight Miles High" was, for me, the highlight track. Hüsker Dü took a trippy-dippy-hippy song with obscure lyrics allegedly about flying in airplanes and grey towns and forced it through a meat grinder at 300 MPH. Lead singer Bob Mould sounds like the microphone was two feet over his head and he had to scream up in the air at it as loud as he could. The guitars zoom through the song overloaded with feedback, yet still retain the originals catchiness. The original had an ethereal, detached quality to it (something unfortunately common among the flower power set back then) but Hüsker Dü turned that tone on it's head. "Eight Miles High" becomes a paranoid, primal scream-fest with fuzzed up guitars and drums driving the song thru a wall.

Annie Lennox - "Don't Let It Bring You Down" (Neil Young)

The original version of this song, from Young's 1972 depression-fest, After The Goldrush, is a contemplative, semi-hopeful piece about accepting loss and death and, hopefully, moving on from some unnamed tragedy. With Annie Lennox' much more deft vocal stylings, "Don't Let It Bring You Down" becomes, if not cheerful, at least way more hopeful. Part of this is due to the lovely arrangement, with it's subtle strings and backing vocals, but mostly it's because of Annie's delivery, which soars when necessary, but remains understated and clear even when she's singing about "dead men on the side of the road". The original, on the other hand, is comparatively stripped down and emotionally raw. Neil's delivery evokes weary acceptance, and, while it's not arriving at some inevitable dead-end, there's not a whole lot else to look forward to. While both are equally powerful, the feel of each rendition lies at opposite ends of the emotional spectrum. In Young's version, the bus full of orphans has already fallen off the cliff, everyone's dead and now it's time to pick up the pieces. In Lennox', the bus is teetering on the cliff but there's hope that Superman might still fly in and save the day. Both are worthy, but evoke utterly different moods.

Sid Vicious - "My Way" (Frank Sinatra)

How do you scream "I don't give a fuck" in a song and not actually say it? I'm not entirely sure, but this Sex Pistols cover of the Sinatra classic (written by Paul Anka) would be a good place to start answering that question. It's starts off with Sid Vicious purposely singing as off-key as his limited range will allow. After that follows a fairly straightforward, yet undeniably catchy, punk cover delivered by Sid in an exaggerated cockney accent. It's hard to deliver a song this corny, with it's self-absorbed, hyper-dramatic lyrics, convincingly and not get laughed off the stage, yet both succeed admirably for very different reasons. Sinatra did it because, well, he was Sinatra. He DID do it his way, at his own pace and he ran over anyone who got in his fucking way. He was the Chairman of the Board. When he sang about His Way, you just believed him. Sid Vicious, on the other hand, was essentially a semi-talented junkie, who only got into the Sex Pistols because he was best friends with lead singer Johnny Rotten. Despite his utter lack of talent Sid exuded - along with a touch of charisma - quite a "fuck you" attitude, which is evident in his delivery of "My Way". Sid doesn't care if you give a shit about him, his song or anything else. Hell, he sings about shooting up at one point. It's that attitude that carries the song and prevents it from veering into intentional (or worse, unintentional) parody. It's tragic, yet ironically appropriate, that after recording this he died of a heroin overdose shortly after allegedly murdering his junky girlfriend, Nancy Spungeon.

Metallica - "Last Caress" (The Misfits)

Metallica's taken this ghoulish, yet incredibly catchy, Glen Danzig punk-metal tune about rape and child murder and turned it into a driving, adrenaline-fueled heavy metal song about rape and child murder. There's no denying Metallica could play circles around the Misfits, as the obvious polish and better production of their version attests to. The original succeeds because of the catchy lyrics and hooks, and Danzig's brilliant vocals (of course, that can be said for a majority of Misfits songs) while Metallica's version is pure testosterone-filled, pump-your-fist-in-the-air metal. You want to sing along despite the horrific lyrics and the accompanying visuals they evoke. "Last Caress" is such a good song, you can make up your own horrible lyrics and it would still work: "I've got something to say, I drowned kittens today" works just as well as "..I killed your baby today". You get the idea. Try it, it's fun. To be continued...