Hey Kids! Comics!! 01-25-07
It was a busy week as several of my regular horror books were out:
Criminal #4
Beautifully done crime drama from Ed Brubaker and Sean Phillips. As in any good crime caper, every character seems to be backstabbing and stealing from another. The master lowlife criminal in the middle of all this, Leo, has to figure out a way to keep himself and his ex-junkie girlfriend alive. Yet another common characteristic of good crime capers is half the characters are former or current junkies. Yay, skag!!
Don't try and jump into this story in the middle, as you'll be lost, but it's definitely worth your time so wait for the trade paperback.
Criminal Macabre #2
If, like me, you love well written horror comics with a healthy dose of humor, this is the ideal book.
In this issue, the ongoing adventures of Private Eye/Drug Addict Cal McDonald, ancient vampire Nosferatu (or something that looks like him) shows up in Southern California looking for Cal, who's laid up in a hospital bed after getting beat to within an inch of his life in the previous issue. Ol' Cal's also going through major withdrawals from all the pills and booze he's been ingesting constantly for years.
Niles story moves along at a quick, clean pace with no unnecessary subplots or filler to bog things down. He definitely understands the "less is more" concept of storytelling, a subject most comic writers could stand to take a class on.
If you're going to be influenced by other artists, you might as well pick good one's and Hotz definitely does. Clearly inspired by Bernie Wrightson and Kelly Jones, Hotz seems to get better every issue. Each panel is dripping with well-rendered, horrific detail. He's clearly enjoying himself.
Criminal Macabre is comic of the week! Pick it up!
Damned #4 (of 5)
If Criminal Macabre weren't so damn good this month, this would win book of the week. As it is, it's still very good. Imagine if most of the characters from The Godfather were demons and you'd have a pretty good idea of what Damned is all about. The main character, Eddie, is a cursed human mobster who acts as a sort of power broker between several factions and gangs of demons. In this issue, war between the families breaks out and all hell (duh!) literally breaks loose.
Artist Brian Hurtt creates an amazingly graphic atmosphere. He vaguely reminds me of a less polished Charles Burns, with his strong blacks and stylized feathering.
If you haven't read any of Damned before this, I'd highly recommend buying the back issues as the complicated plot won't make any sense jumping in at book 4. Either that or wait for the inevitable trade. You won't be disappointed.
Fallen Angel #12
The Angel makes a deal with the city's biggest drug dealer, which brings her into conflict with her well-meaning, but naive, son, who's also the city's invulnerable magistrate. I love the drug they're all fighting over: it turns people into vampires. Oooga Booga!!
This book can get weird and cynical, but Peter David cynical-weirdness is still better than say, Grant Morrison cynical-weirdness, because it actually makes sense and goes somewhere. David has the skill to pull it off. That probably annoys some people, as there seem to be a lot of them out there who absolutely looove pretentious non-sensical storylines, but I appreciate a story. Call me weird.
Hellblazer #228
This issue marks the conclusion of the empathy engine storyline, which is a good thing since even for a Constantine story, it was overlong and merely semi-interesting. Luckily, there's a healthy dose of black humor to keep things lighthearted and Constantine is his usual asshole self — arrogant as hell (literally) and self-pitiable. Hellblazer is one of those books you either love or loathe. I've been reading it since issue 1, and I must admit the quality varies from story arc to story arc, but for me, it's like comfort food. Buy it or don't buy it. I don't care.
Next issue starts a new arc, so that might be a good time to jump on the Hellblazer bandwagon, kiddies!
Mystery In Space #5 (of 8)
Shane Davis is one of the finest superhero artists around and his superb work alone is a good enough reason to get this book. The fact that it's written by Jim Starlin, master of the trippy-dippy comic book space opera, is just a happy bonus. It's nice to see what can be done with even an inconsequential character like Captain Comet, star of Mystery In Space, if put in the right hands.
In this issue, the good Captain infiltrates the evil galactic Church that's planning some sort of nastiness and discovers where all the super assassins that have been kicking his ass are coming from. He's not happy with his discovery.
The backup story, drawn by Starlin and starring his own goofy creation, The Weird, is tied into the main Captain Comet story. It appears as if Starlin's going to merge the two storylines rather soon, which is a good thing as, much as I'm enjoying this book, he could have easily condensed 8 issues into 4 or 5 and had a much tighter story.
Supergirl And The Legion Of Superheroes #26
The Legion battles a more badass version of themselves and the biggest damned robot I've ever seen. It seems the Dominators are looking to take over Earth. For a race of people who call themselves "The Dominators", they never seem to actually succeed in dominating anything of consequence. Perhaps they should concentrate on a planet that doesn't have a fucking Kryptonian and her super powered buddies protecting it! Oh well. I guess, they're called "The Dominators" and not "The Super-Duper Extra-Smart Dominators" for a reason.
I like this book, but I wish there was a little more main character interplay and less introduction of new ones. There's already way too many stars in this book and just when it seems writer Mark Waid is getting into developing characters and relationships and making things interesting, he goes away from them and introduces new, less interesting characters.
Fables Volume 5: The Mean Seasons
This is kind of an extended epilogue to Volume 4, March Of The Wooden Soldiers, and covers the year following that watershed event in this amazing series.
This volume is comprised of three separate stories. None approach the excellence of the previous volume, but no one could blame writer Bill Willingham for taking it down a notch after the tumultuous events of March. Besides, he wraps up quite a few loose ends here and creates some new ones presumably to be finished later.
The first is a straight up cloak and dagger type story starring Cinderella. She's way more devious and smart than she appears.
The second is a WWII flashback to when Bigby was a super secret agent for the Allies. You know he's cool because he enjoys killing Nazi's. Like all good horror stories that take place in a Bavarian castle, the Frankenstein monster makes an appearance, only to quickly be put in his place by Bigby. Yeah. Werd up, mofo.
The only thing I don't get — and this is a problem I have with most superhero comics that take place in WWII, so Fables is hardly unique — is why don't the Allies just send Bigby into Berlin to kill Hitler and the rest of the German hierarchy? I mean, this guy operates with impunity behind German lines, is immortal, can wipe out whole companies, and kicks the living shit out of the Frankenstein Monster! Why can't he just break into the Bunker and pop Hitler's diseased head like an annoying pimple? Who'd be able to stop him? War over! Now let's send him over to Japan to play dodgeball with Tojo's organs!! Game over. Or at least it would be if I were running things...
Comics have never adequately answered that question. Oh well.
The last story concerns the birth of Bigby and Snow White's brood. And they're a bunch of cute little buggers. But they're only half human looking so Snow has to move up to the farm, where Bigby isn't allowed because he was such a dick back in the homelands. Of course he bitches and moans like a spoiled brat, then takes off. Way to support your family, asshole.
Also in this story, Prince Charming takes over as mayor, and, true to form, is only good at the pursuit: i.e.: running for office. Now that he's in charge, it turns out he's a terrible administrator. It speaks to Willingham's skill as a writer that he extends the Prince's character flaws into all his pursuits.
If you're not reading Fables yet, you're just stupid and dull. Pick it up or pick your nose!
For more reviews, check out Jared's Blog. Try not to laugh.
The Chicago Bears and the Indianapolis Colts will meet on February 4th in Superbowl XLI ( I love Roman numerals - they make everything seem so important). I'm not sure what the early line is but I suspect the Colts will be favored by 4 points or more.
This makes sense as they seem to be the better team. While neither team is without it's flaws, the Colts seem to have less of them. At Quarterback, Peyton Manning is the best in the game and light years ahead of the Bears Rex Grossman, who couldn't even start for half the teams in the NFL.
Grossman doesn't seem to have much in the way of technique or accuracy. Any success he has completing passes has more to do with his underrated receivers being able to adjust to his poorly thrown, inaccurate passes before opposing defensive backs have time to react. Should the Colts manage to get some pressure on Grossman, he's proven to be mistake-prone at the worst times. Any quarterback will suck if you harass him all day, Grossman just sucks more than most.
Additionally, the Colts really impressed me by showing way more grit and character than they ever displayed before by coming back from a 21 to 3 deficit against the Patriots, a team that's won 3 of the past 5 Superbowls.
Here's a comparison of each teams units:
The Colts have the great Peyton Manning (the Giants, on the other hand, have the lesser Manning: Eli). The Bears have some guy named Rex. Dogs are named Rex. Not quarterbacks. I never bought the whole arguement that Peyton can't win the big game. Football is the ultimate team sport.
The Bears defensive backs are better than the Colts, and will not give Manning an easy time, but he should still get some touchdowns at some point.
The Bears live and die on defense. While no one except the dumbest of Bears fans (and listening to NFL radio on Sirius, there seems to be a lot of them) would deign to compare this defense to the 1985 unit that destroyed the rest of the NFL (except Dan Marino), they are still one of the best defenses in the NFL this year.
They can get to the quarterback, and their linebackers are fast and aggressive. Brian Urlacher is one of the best linebackers in football. Their defensive backfield is good enough to at least keep up with Harrison and Wayne, but if they have to cover man to man regularly, those two will eat them alive.
Still, if any team can stop Manning and company, it's the Bears.
The Colts, on the other hand, have had trouble on defense, especially run defense, all year. They rely on their offense to generate big leads. That allows the defense to play to their strengths, forcing the other team into playing catch up and then rushing the shit out of the passer.
For reasons I can't fathom, they suddenly started playing good run defense in the playoffs after getting eaten alive for stretches during the regular season. They'll need to play tough against the Bears, as I don't see their offense jumping out to a big lead quickly.
Because you demanded it, Bill Willinghmam and Sean McManus bring us the most famous chimp detective in the history of chimp detectives. Detective Chimp has always been, obviously, a less than serious character. Accordingly, the creative team plays things mostly for laughs and Willingham's skillful enough as a writer to recognize the inherent goofiness and still tell a good story. Apparently, this is tied into 52, DC's endless crossover that's touching every single book in their line. Now, I haven't read it, since I hate multi-book crossovers, so I have no idea how Detective Chimp fits into the big scheme of things except that he's now somehow affiliated with Dr. Fate, who was always one of my favorite characters in the DC universe (A bunch of years ago, Kieth Giffen and Larry Mahlstat did a great backup run with Dr. Fate in 
The evils of McCarthyism is the central theme of this throwback of a book. I'm enjoying it, mostly due to Jerry Ordway's classy art. The story is ok. At least it's keeping my interest. I'm sure this will be available in a collected trade soon enough so you can wait until then to get it.
I wasn't going to buy this book, even though I usually give first issues a try, because there seems to be an endless amount of Zombie books out there and most of them aren't very good. But then after taking a closer look at the cover, I realized this book has undead Nazi zombies in it. So I figured it was at least worth a look. Right?
I'm glad I did. Rarely does a comic revel in it's own idiocy the way this one does.
Writer Bryan Johnson and artist Walter Flanagan have created the best "
I picked up the first issue of this book and found it a little thin in the story department. Fortunately, it has a cool premise which the title sums up nicely, so I was hoping it would pick up a little with issue 2.
Sadly, the story is still light at best, and illogical at worst, but at least things end with a nuclear blast. Who doesn't love a nuclear conclusion? Next issue sounds even more promising: Amazons Vs. Zombies Vs. Robots, so I'll think about it. At this point the main thing that keeps me coming back is the beautifully, illustrative art by Ashley Wood. He is one talented dude and a perfect example of how great art can make an OK story seem better than it is.
Rebounding from what I felt was a slight let down in volume 3 of his excellent Fables series, Bill Willingham delivers the best Fables story arch yet. The main plot of March of the Wooden Soldiers revolves around an attempt by the Adversary — the Sauron-like overlord who conquered the Fable's homelands — to invade our world and destroy Fabletown with thousands of murderous, grown-up Pinocchio's. It seems he's forcing Geppetto to create them, or so we're led to assume. I suspect things are not as they seem.
The one major subplot involves grown up Red Riding Hood, returned from the dead and seeking asylum in Fabletown. It seems she has quite a history with Little Boy Blue and Bigby (Almost everyone seems to have a history with Bigby). I always thought Blue was gay. After reading this book, it's obvious I was dead wrong.
Willingham weaves all these subplots together into one amazingly coherent story arc and sets up volume 5, The Mean Season, nicely. Mark Buckingham, whose style was always beautifully suited to this type of book, does an excellent job with the art. Everyone involved seems to give a damn. I appreciate that. Pick it up!
For more comic reviews, check out 
I had the day off earlier this week so I finally decided to tackle a project I've been putting off for over three years. I stripped the hideous 80's-era wallpaper off our bathroom walls.
After spending nine hours sponging on wallpaper stripper and scraping off multiple layers of plastic, waterproof paper, I now understand why homeowners often paint right over their old wallpaper on all those home improvement shows.
My house, built in 1987, unfortunately retains much of the same original owner's ideas of decor. When we bought the house, we didn't have an extra $50,000 to modernize the interior to our taste so we were stuck with 1980's carpets, walls and colors.
Slowly, we've been repainting the house one room at a time. As the old owner's color palette ranged from neutered-vanilla-beige to subtle-yet-boring-barely-pink, anything was an improvement, so we've been covering the walls in different rooms in greens, yellows and reds. At this point, all that's left to do is the master bedroom/bath and dining room. The dining room is daunting, to say the least, as it's filled with large, heavy pieces of furniture that have to be moved, and the walls are covered in dark blue wallpaper. After this weekend, I'm not looking forward to removing it.
Our bathroom was also covered in wallpaper in a pattern I like to call "Electric Vomit". The pattern was a shiny plastic white field dotted with silver and black specks and streaks.
Who ever applied it did a pretty good job as, despite the fact that it was in a bathroom, where, after 20 years of shower generated steam and moisture, it was not bubbling or peeling up anywhere.
I realize they chose that type of wallpaper because it's so moisture resistant — it's double-layered, with the top layer acting as a waterproof barrier. That very quality made the removal job so difficult. Turns out no matter how much I scored it, the chemical remover could not penetrate the top "plastic" layer. After two applications of remover, I peeled off the top layer only to discover that the bottom one was still stuck to the wall as well as the day it was applied. This required an additional three applications of the chemical stripper, and inch by inch scraping while it was still damp.
Happily, it's done now. All I have to do is scrape the popcorn ceiling down to the sheet rock. That should be easy enough...
Hal Jordan (AKA: Mr. Personality) is rarely the focus of this book and that is such a wonderful thing. I always found him to be the least interesting major character in the DC universe. I just haven't decided if I like the new direction the 
This is perhaps the most 
This installment doesn't contain just one big story arch, but rather three smaller ones. All three were very good with the highlight being a plot by Bluebeard to kill Bigby and Snow White. That story was good but I really prefer the epic 7 or 8 issue story when reading about these characters. Writer Bill Willingham weaves such engrossing tales at such a nice pace, his stories really work well over a longer arch.
Also included in this collection: Bigby and Snow White finally get it on, though they weren't aware of it at the time, the Goldilocks storyline is finally wrapped up (though I think she'll be back) and Prince Charming makes a move to better his standing in life in his own inimitably sleazy way. As usual, every story is worth your time. Check it out!
For more comics reviews this week, check out 
The Giants management just announced that they're 
I never thought I'd say this, but an X-Men comic is the best super-hero book currently being produced. Joss "Buffy" Whedon and John "Planetary" Cassaday, two of the best talents in the business are, as usual, in top form every month. Each issue is fun to read and gorgeous to look at. Pick it up! Or save some cash and wait for the inevitable collected edition. There should be a new one ouuuut..... now.
The most cynical comic in history just gets more nasty in this, the book that makes 
Writer/creator Steve Niles clearly enjoys writing about this character, a private dick/drug addict/supernatural investigator/fuck-up named Cal MacDonald, who's best buddy is an undead ghoul. This is a continuation of the great, defunct series Last Train To Deadsville, also starring Cal MacDonald, and drawn by the excellent, Wrightson-loving Kelly Jones. New artist Kyle Hotz does a great Jones imitation and, like Niles, seems to be enjoying himself. There's humor, horror, gore and an pervasive sense of fun. This is my favorite book of the week. Even if you're not a horror fan, it's worth picking up!
More super-hero goodness from Alan Davis, who, I'm convinced, is incapable of putting out crap even if he wanted to. This is way better than any of the regular, monthly FF books. Pick it up now or wait for the collected. Either way, you'll do fine.
It seems the Fear Agent has an ex-wife. I thought he was the last surviving human in the universe. Perhaps I'm wrong. Perhaps not. Time travel stories can be so confusing.
In this issue, Guy Gardner kicks some more alien ass and makes more "witty" comments. I'm not sure what's going on here nor do I care all that much. Too late to figure it out since the series is now over. Chaykin has done better.
The revival of this classic badass western character continues with part 3 (of 3) of his violent (what else did you expect) origin. Jonah Hex is consistently one of the best monthly comics out there. If you're not reading it, you're clearly an idiot and I don't want to know you.
This is an overly wordy book. Apparently, it's been adapted by Orson Scott Card from one of his novels. He really needs an editor. Comics shouldn't be work to read. The rather complicated plot takes place in an alternate historical reality and revolves around an alcoholic Indian (of the Native American variety) who suddenly gains psychic powers and starts to get the best of whitey. Power to the people!! It's worth checking out if you start from the beginning and have time to kill. Don't bother jumping in in the middle of the story because you'll just be lost.
In keeping with my promise to buy all the Fables trades, this is book 2 in a series of 8. In this volume, writer Bill Willingham gives us his version of Orwell. Snow White and Rose Red take a trip to the Upstate New York annex of the non-human looking fables, only to discover that the bestiality-loving Goldilocks, along with the three pigs, have taken over in a bloody coup. Viva La Revolution!! Seems Goldi's power-mad and everyone else wants to invade the Fables homelands because they're homesick and not all that bright. Willingham takes the usual swipes at communists, dictators, the madness of crowds and dickery in general. Whatever. It's a wonderful read and it has a much happier ending than Orwell's original downer of the same name so pick it up! It's a load of fun!
I just installed IE (Internet Explorer) 7.0, Microsoft's latest version of it's ubiquitous web browser, on my computer at work because we need to test some websites in it. After using it for a while now it's painfully obvious that Microsoft simply isn't capable of creating good software anymore (there are those who would argue that they never did). IE 7, much like their new version of Windows, called Vista, seems to be a perfect example of 